The People We Once Were
I’ve been thinking about this lately, thanks to Felishia La-Shae’s piece.
Who am I now, versus who was I before?
Life’s twists and turns shape us as much as we allow them to. A decade passes by and we look back and more often than not, regret sets in. The older we get, the starker the realization the gap of who we are and who we want to be is all that apparent.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Whether it was poor choices we made or something that happened to us that was out of our control, we can choose how we are going to let this affect us.
The keys are drawing lessons, finding silver linings, and be dead-set on having a brighter future for ourselves.
When I got divorced, I had to overcome the stigma associated with divorce in the Chinese culture. There’s the concept of sheng nu, which essentially means leftover woman. A leftover woman is a woman who is over the age of 27 and unmarried.
In my culture’s eyes, I was used goods, no longer worthy of agency or standards.
Today, about 7 years post divorce, I am a new person.
One who is no longer ashamed of her status, who doesn’t feel any attached stigma. Because early on, I decided that I was not going to let divorce define me.
I tackled the feelings of embarrassment, failure, and broken confidence that accompanies divorce, and reminded myself I want and deserve to be happy. I chose to battle childhood scars instead of sweeping them under the rug, to address the insecurities and external validation I needed outside of myself that led to me making decisions that weren’t in my best interests.
I’ve decided there was going to be no more hiding. I was going to not only survive, I was going to thrive.
Who we were before, and what happened to us, do not need to define who we will be in the future.
In being as objective as I can, I am happy to say who I am now is someone who’s more optimistic, more mentally and financially stable, more sure of herself, more confident in her resiliency if and when life throws a punch, and generally more pleasant to be around.
We all have the ability to write our own endings; we just need to set the intention of reinventing ourselves. The stories for December all carry that central theme.
Maybe it’s moving away to a different city. Maybe it’s getting a whole new wardrobe or haircut. Or maybe it’s even changing our names. Whatever the case, there needs to be that intention of making the best of the hand we’re dealt, so we can look back and know we tried to be the captain and not the passenger.
I wish us all peace, clarity, health, and contentment for the new year.
Surviving The Beirut Blast: A Year Later by Léa Zeitoun
A disaster almost took my life, but it also helped me reclaim it.
The Girl I Once Was by Felishia La-Shae
The girl I once was lived her life in fear. She chose to do nothing because you can’t fail if you never try. She chose the safe road and her quality of life suffered greatly.
Sober Ramblings by Flutterby
There was a time I was just skating through life, not really living, just doing whatever the wind blew my way.
Making a circle by Anya
For me it took years of meditation before I began to trust my own voice again. Before I had the courage to say, no thank you, to all other voices.
My 2021 Journey to Self-Discovery by Vivian Stevenson
At the start of 2021, if you gave me the option to write about what I like about myself and what I don’t, the list of what I don’t would inevitably be longer.
Leaving New York For Chile Was The Best And Worst Decision I Ever Made by Lauren Dean
Dear Younger Self,
Should I tell you how things turned out? Would you still make the decision to leave if you knew? You, the optimistic adult-girl with the stupid gleam in your eye, thinking, “I can do better.” Should I tell you that you weren’t wrong? But you weren’t right either?
May we all be grateful to the turning points in our lives that have led us to where we are today, and embrace the ones to come that will lead us to where we want to go.
Happy writing and be sunny :)
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